


Who You Are

by lavindyr



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Yamato | Tenzou, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Dark Past, Drabble, Drinking, Emotional Baggage, Feelings, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Nonsense, Not Beta Read, One-Sided Attraction, Shinobi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:33:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25364671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavindyr/pseuds/lavindyr
Summary: Tenzou decides to head to a bar one night, on the edge of Konoha.He spots Kakashi and they share a few drinks.Their conversation leaves him with a lot to contemplate.
Kudos: 8





	Who You Are

Tenzou wasn't normally a drinker, however tonight he decided he needed unwind, to let loose. That's how he found himself scanning the bar for a seat on a Friday evening. 

His owl-like, almond shaped eyes stopped when he spotted a familiar face seated alone in a corner booth. There Kakashi sat dressed in his navy, long sleeve shinobi shirt, missing flak jacket; rimming the edge of a whiskey glass with his index finger looking characteristically bored. 

Tenzou ordered himself a drink at the bar then slowly made his way through the bodies to the corner booth, "May I?" He gestured to the bench opposite of Kakashi. 

The sliver haired man stopped tracing the rim of his glass as he spoke with playful lilt in his voice, "By all means. It certainly isn't taken. And I've ordered an entire bottle of whiskey, surely you'll help me finish it?" The corner of his eye crinkled, an indicator that he was smiling under his face mask. The silver haired jounin hadn't appeared to change a bit since Tenzou had worked alongside him in ANBU. The mere thought alone had the brunette's mind reliving some of those memories...the good, the bad, the complacent.

"So what brings you to the bar tonight, Tenzou?" Kakashi sipped his drink through his mask, per usual.

"Yamato...if you could," he politely tried to correct for what seemed like the thousandth time. "I haven't been out in a few months. No active missions... Figured it would be a nice change of scenery."  
Tenzou knew his answer was only a half-truth but Kakashi didn't seem intent on pushing it further. After a few moments of silence he found himself asking, "Yourself?" 

Kakashi turned his one-eyed gaze from Tenzou back to his drink, finishing what little was left. "Came back from a mission earlier today. It..." he paused for a moment, seemingly to search for the correct words. 

Tenzou stayed silent to let the other man collect his thoughts even though he already knew where his tale was headed. It happened all to frequently in the life of a shinobi. After a few more moments passed he began to speak once again in a low voice, "It didn't go as expected. Not unusual in our field of work...but nevertheless disheartening," he said as he grabbed the etched glass whiskey decanter and poured himself another cup. 

Tenzou found himself humming and nodding in agreement instead of speaking. Missions often didn't go as planned. Sometimes things go wrong or jutsus don't work as intended. Sometimes the enemies strength was severely underestimated. Other times you lose good people. Very often you watch others lose a part of themselves to complete it. And sometimes, you lose a friend or lover, or someone just as equally as close to you. Tenzou had found, he didn't struggle with losing people as much as other shinobi. He always attributed that to the fact that he never quite got a chance to form himself, to have attachments to the world. He supposed that being a test subject throughout early childhood, followed by being initiated into ANBU where you carried out gruelling missions really desensitized a person. Matter of the fact was that Kakashi was probably the closest person he let to himself, though many most likely wouldn't even label them much past "acquaintances" or "ex-team mate". 

Kakashi cleared his throat beckoning Tenzou's almond eyes to meet Kakashi's singular one, which was studying him; a hint of worry just beneath it's smokey surface. The brunette simply smiled and tipped his glass of jack and coke towards his former teammate before taking a gulp. 

"You seem to have a lot on your mind," the older man casually commented as he leaned back into the booth. Just as he used to be- maybe even more so with age- Kakashi was near terrifyingly observant.

His answer came quick and earnest, "Reflecting upon the life I've lived." 

"Not an easy one. I'm sure," the jounin speculated, sipping from the diamond patterned engraved glass once more.

"The same could be said for you," the wood user countered. 

The Copy-nin only hummed in response, eyeing the other man sat across from him. 

Tenzou sighed as he finished his drink. Kakashi lifted the decanter and tilted it slightly towards the brunette; asking a question in complete silence. ANBU excelled at communicating in complete quiet...they had to be.

The younger man accepted, simply by nodding his head and nothing more. They each had a few more glasses and talked about various things throughout the hour. Tenzou quite liked being able to get the man across from him to laugh, watching the brightness that flashed through his visible eye as he did so. The more drinks they imbibed, the more Tenzou realized how much he actually enjoyed the mans presence. At some point, Tenzou realized he had found himself leaning his chin in his palm, staring at the masked face with admiration as he was retelling a story about when Naruto was much younger. He wasn't quite sure when he started to lean in so close.

Eventually when the jounin finished speaking, Tenzou regained some of his composure and leaned back into his side of the booth. He wasn't sure if it was due to the drinks or the companionship of Kakashi on a lonely night that had made him feel so comfortable and welcome. He conceded that it was perhaps a fine concoction of both.

"Speaking of Naruto.... Any advice on getting him to be more open in communicating? Sometimes getting him to listen is...difficult, to say the least," Tenzou's eyes refocused into Kakashi, watching him sip and think. 

His grey eye looked around the room and he hummed, a sound Tenzou was growing to enjoy by the hour. 

"My best advice would be to joke along with him if you can. Don't be so...serious all the time. He's pretty laid back for the most part," he sipped his glass once more and then continued, "If you find it hard to joke or be yourself, just reflect himself back onto himself. He might find it easier to open up and in return become more receptive to you."

"Is that what you do?" Tenzou asked half accusingly, the liquor making him bolder than he ought to be. In reality, it was more of an honest query. Kakashi always seemed to be calm and collected to everyone, like he had himself figured out already. Tenzou admired it but hearing that gave him a fleeting second thought that he couldn't help but materialize. The brunnette knew he wouldn't be the first ANBU to admit he had issues feeling...human.

Kakashi slitted his eye side, straighted his shoulders, and faced the other man head on. Tenzou wasn't quite sure why but continued on despite the silent warning, "Reflect other peoples personalities onto themselves? To avoid having to be yourself?"

Slight irritation flashed through the others eye at his words, his response almost immediate, "Not to avoid being myself... But to better understand others as well as to enrich my own self... In our profession it's not an easy thing."

He controlled his voice so it wouldn't come out broken; levelling it so instead it came off as cold and empty when he questioned the other, "And if you feel you have no basis for who you are?" 

"You find out what you believe in, what brings you warmth," Kakashi made his cool grey eye lock onto Tenzou's coal black ones as he spoke, "Living as shinobi- nevermind ANBU- means you'll may never get to live as a deep and fulfilled life as a civilian would...Many shinobi lose themselves in that, thinking forming any sort of connection or attachment is pointless..." Kakashi paused and downed the rest of his drink in one graceful gulp. Tenzou watched as the adam's apple under his high collar bobbed slowly. 

"But never let them strip you of who you are....never become a mindless human weapon. If you were to die tomorrow, and your life flashed before your eyes, I'd bet all my savings that you'll feel regret for all the things you never got to feel... Maybe my advice would be some self reflection first, Yamato." With that, the Copy-nin sauntered off out of the bar and into the crisp autumn evening air.

Tenzou poured the rest of the decanter into his glass as he sat in the corner of the crowded bar; left alone with his thoughts and an ever growing admiration for Kakashi Hatake.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This is my first official fan fiction posted online! To think I was so nerve wracked about it haha
> 
> It was a bit different than what I normally think of for story ideas; if I'm being honest, I'm not even sure what this is or where it went but it was a good exercise to get my writing flow switch turned on.
> 
> (Also, it's not like a huge bottle that they cleared. It's a reasonable size for two people.)
> 
> Feed back is always appreciated; towards my writing, take on characters, anything c:


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